Minding the (Kids in the) Net

Navigating being a goalie parent

By: Matt Bertram

THERE ARE HOCKEY PARENTS, AND THEN THERE ARE GOALIE HOCKEY PARENTS.

Yes, there’s a difference (and no it’s not just because goalies get the rap of being a bit kooky).

When you first start out as a goalie parent, it’s fun, it’s exciting—it’s like every other parent of an athlete. They’re in Mites/8U and Squirts/10U all decked out in gear doing what they love, and you beam with pride with the rest of the parents watching from the stands.

And then as you move up in age levels, there’s a switch. Because of the goalie position and the nature of the game, a new pressure comes to the goalies, and a new pressure comes that only a goalie parent can understand. You’re now spending a lot of time navigating how to help your kids learn to deal with disappointments, and how to thrive in those situations. Because a loss on a goalie feels a lot different.

You as a parent might feel every goal against a bit harder, and you feel that ‘L’ sting a bit more in the car because your goalie often does, too.

But your kid loves to be a goalie, so how do we handle all of it together?

Like being a parent in anything, it’s never one size fits all. I found with my son and daughter who are goalies—Bantam and 12U tendies respectively—it’s all about reminding them it’s a team game.

Hockey is a game of mistakes. When a goal is scored, there’s typically a handful of mistakes that have happened to generate a scoring opportunity. Stay away from the individual piece of being a goalie and look at the team. I coach the goalies at St. Cloud State and even at that level we have those conversations because you don’t want to make it feel in that position like it’s all on you. If you take an approach of a team attitude, that helps deflect some of the pressure.

And yes, there’s always going to be pressure. You’re the last line of defense; you typically have the last chance to keep the puck out, so there’s always pressure that comes with that, but have conversations where it’s not result-driven but process-driven. Focus on the process, focus on the next chance to make a save and don’t be so caught up in the score or the win or loss or things that come as a result.

As parents we can get caught up in the whole emotional roller coaster as well. You want this so badly for your kids and you want to see them succeed. You take on some of that stress and anxiety as well. We have to remind ourselves sometimes to take a deep breath and just relax and try not to talk too much about outcomes or put our pressures on them, too. Early on when my kids told me they wanted to be goalies, I felt as a goalie coach and someone who played the position like I had this knowledge that I wanted to insert into their young brains and you can’t do that. It’s a process and it takes time.We just try to make sure they’re having fun.

And that’s an aspect every parent of every position should strive to remember.

Matt Bertram is the goalie coach at St. Cloud State, proud goalie dad and a Minnesota State High School champion.